Chapter Twenty Four
Last Minute Decisions
You are all ready to leave home for a gathering that you have made
prior arrangements for. You are leaving on time and all is in order
until your son says, "I want to go with you. Can you wait for
me." You have a choice. You leave without your son, or you wait,
knowing that you will be late. The choice is yours. You evaluate the
consequences of either choice. What you do is up to you. Maybe it's not
that important being late in light of the fact your son wants to go. On
the other hand maybe you just can't wait around for him this time.
The point here should be made to the person who has made this last
minute decision. You need to realize that your decision is affecting
someone else. When you decide something at the last minute you are
unfairly imposing your will or desire on someone else. You are changing
someone else's plans because you were unable to think ahead. Sometimes
you can't help it. I understand that, but I bet you that ninety percent
of these last minute decisions could have been avoided with a little
forethought. I want to stress the word "unfairness" here. It
is unfair to have someone change their plans just because of you.
Have you ever made someone late because you changed your mind at the
last minute? If so, you need to make up a sign that says. "I will
try to think ahead". Look at it before you selfishly ask someone to
do something for you without warning.
(use your head, and think ahead)
Chapter Twenty Five
Clutter In Relationships
This subject I left close to the end because of the seriousness that
pertains to it. There is nothing funny about broken relationships so
don't expect to laugh your way through this chapter. This topic is also
way too large to deal with in a few short paragraphs. I just want to
make you aware of the fact that there is clutter in relationships. This
clutter needs attention just as bad as all of the other clutter we have
talked about, and mostly likely even more important. When it comes right
down to it, some of the clutter we have already talked about hinders our
relationships with one another.
So what do I mean by cluttered relationships? I will use a husband
and wife relationship as my example here. A healthy father mother
relationship goes al long way to help the kids.
So here we have a picture of a man and his wife. They are standing
face to face. yet at a distance. Why are they at a distance? It is
because they have boxes of junk between them. In some cases the boxes
rise so high that they can no longer see each other.
What is in these boxes. There are a number of things that can be
found once the tops of the boxes are folded back. In one box there might
be a lot of unforgiveness. You never really did forgive your husband for
not cleaning out that back shed. You never really said, "I am sorry
dear, for blaming you when I was the one who lost the checkbook".
Then there is bitterness. The mud puddles that your wife drove
through bothered you so much that it's deeply rooted in your heart and
you feel quite bitter.
There is also the resentment. You just resent your husband so much
for not cleaning up after himself. You say that he is just as bad as the
kids, or maybe even worse. Whether that is true or not this feeling is
also deeply rooted in your heart.
Then there is a whole box full of broken trust. You say, "I
simply don't trust the guy any more. I doubt if I ever will. So what's
the use. Why carry on this way".
You open another box and see all kinds of anger. There is hardly
anything to talk about any more that doesn't lead to a fight. Your
boxing gloves are really beginning to get tattered and torn, and you
really don't want to spend any money on buying a new pair. You'd just
rather find someone else to fight with.
You fold open another box and see all sorts of memories that you have
saved up. You keep them because every so often in the midst of an
argument you need to pull one out. They are all the things that you
haven't forgiven. You just keep saving and saving them as if it was
money in the bank. This box is so filled that there's no room left. It's
now got to the point that there is just nothing left in your partner
that you can see that is good. Everything he or she does is not
acceptable to you.
Now the pile of boxes are so high that you don't have the strength or
the desire to clean up the mess. So it's like your bankbook situation
that we talked about. It's better and easier to start over with a new
bank account. So too in relationships. It's just easier to walk away and
find a new partner.
So it can be a sad picture. All of those boxes of clutter. If you
thought the basement was bad, or the back shed, look at this rubble.
The key here is to clean up after yourself. Don't let the junk pile
up. Don't store the memories. How can you not store memories, you ask.
The number one point is to forgive. If this tool isn't being used in
your relationship then you might as well go to the store and get a truck
full of boxes because you will need them. You'll have a lot of clutter
to put inside.
You deal with the things as they come up. You say such words as,
"will you forgive me". Then the partner says, "yes, I do
forgive you". It is hard to forget. You need to try but some things
are maybe unforgettable. True forgiveness lies in the fact that you can
say "I am sorry", in the presence of bad memories.
Then you need a willingness to change. You need to want to take care
of this clutter. You need to want to say, "you are right, I do need
to stop that. Can you help me"?
These two simple things go a long way to cleaning up a relationship.
And if you do it regularly you will only have a couple of pieces of junk
on the floor between you and your partner. You won't have to deal with
the boxes. You will be able to stand face to face, cheek to cheek,
breast to chest, as you were meant to stand. That's a much better
picture isn't it.
Chapter Twenty Six
Tools of the Trade
What are the tools of the trade for the organized person. Well, we
have seen most of them in action already. Let's make a brief list of
them so you can stick them in your tool box. Better still, you need to
take them out of the tool box and put them where you can use them.
One important tool is a timepiece. You need a watch that keeps good
time. Then you need to ware the watch, yes, at all times. Then you need
to look at it, and look at it again, until it becomes a habit. People
may think you're paranoid, or always in a rush, or that you're not happy
being with them, but at least you will be prompt and on time. You also
need clocks scattered throughout the house so everyone knows what time
it is. It also helps if these clocks are reasonably kept at the same
time.
Pen and paper is a useful tool. As previously stated, there are all
sorts of things that need to be written and remembered. You need these
strategically located in a couple areas of the house. One place is by
the phone. Another may be your desk. Another may be in your car. Then
there is that one you carry in your shirt pocket or purse. Then maybe
one by your bed in case you get some brilliant idea in the middle of the night that needs
to be remembered.
Trash cans are very important. Just consider them an extension of
your filing cabinet. It should be your most used file drawer. The
problem is that we don't use them enough. We need one in the kitchen,
one in the bathroom, one in the basement, one in each bedroom. I would
suggest emptying them on a regular basis. Don't wait until they are
full. No one likes trying to tie up a garbage bag that is overflowing
itself. Here you pick the bag out of the container and banana peels fall
on to the floor along with coffee grinds, egg shells, pizza crusts, and
burned toast. It is one bad mess to clean up.
Shelves would be another good tool. It's nice to have shelves in
closets, in attics, in basements, in back sheds, and in offices. Shelves
are made for the orderly storage of things. It is especially good to
have them in a basement, or whatever room you store things in that you
don't use on a daily basis. The proper storage of things you need makes
for easy access. That is what we want. We want to get certain items out
of the way, yet we want to be able to find them when we need them. So
shelves sure come in handy. The object of a shelf is to be able to stand
it front of it and see exactly what you are looking for. That is why you
want shelves. I suppose you have never considered the value of a shelf
before, have you. They are a great thing to look at. They can be spaced
close together, or far apart. You can put little things on shelves, or
you can use them for big things. They can be made out of old boards and
bricks, or nice costly metal.
This article is beginning to sound like one of Bob Newhart's
"How To" books, isn't it. Oh well.
A calculator is a good little thing to have since you will be
balancing your checkbook every month. This is one little invention that
has made life a lot easier for the organizer.
They don't cost very much these days so you might want to buy two or
three or maybe even four. The thing is, that once your three year old
discovers their existence he will probably claim it as one of his toys.
If that happens you may never get it back. So you might as well let him
have it, since you still have three more of them.
You might want all sorts of little storage containers. They can be
anything, any size or shape. They can have lids, or they can be lid
free. You can store all kinds of things in these little containers.
These days you often see plastic boxes, in all sorts of colours and
shapes. They are good to store small toys, batteries, pencils, coins,
tea bags, or any and most things imaginable. They can be stored on
shelves, or even have their own little spot in a corner somewhere. Some
can be quite decorative.
Another good tool would be a whole room, if you had one to spare. It
you don't have a whole room, part of a room would do. If you don't have
a spare part, then a corner is better than nothing. You simply need some
space to store things. Actually you might want a couple of these spaces.
The basement is a good place for a space, but it is not good for the
storage of all things, depending on the condition of your basement. Due
to dampness you might not want to store certain things down there, like
clothes. Store what you can there and find another space for things that
shouldn't be in the basement. Things that go in these spaces are things
that you do not use on a daily basis. The reason for the space's
existence is easy access. You need to know where things are when you
want them. You save a lot of energy and frustration when you can find
things with ease.
Of course the main tool we certainly need is a mind, a brain that
wants to co-operate with this idea of being organized. If our head isn't
convinced that this is a good idea then we might as well put the rest of
the tools in the tool box and then lose it in some dark corner in the
basement. It probably won't take long until we forget where we put it.
Then the effort of change will be too overwhelming and we'll just
continue on in our lifestyle of clutter. If our brain thinks that this
might be a good idea then he can work on his friend named
"will" Our will, or will power is another part that needs to
get involved. If this happens then we are really on the right track.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Point Form Summary
The following are things that we have looked at already. They are in
point form so it is easy to read and see. These are some practical
things that a person can put into effect in his or her life. Remember,
if you are really unorganized you better just work on one or two items
at a time until you get it working right. Trying to change too quickly
can cause frustration and then you will want to quit.
Tomorrow starts today
-plan tomorrow at night
-set your alarm
-choose your clothes, iron if necessary
-get kids things ready
-put away things, like clothes in dirty clothes hamper
In the morning
-when the alarm rings get up, don't sleep in
-follow plans from previous night
-make sure you have extra time in case of unexpected things arise
Keep up with things
-wash dishes, clothes, children ...when dirty
-don't put these things off
-balance your checkbook regularly
-do everything in regular intervals
Pick up behind you and others
-when you use something put it back when
finished
-this should be a mandatory rule
-don't pass something by that is not in its place
Make notes
-use your calendar for notes
-have paper in a special place at home where you can
makes notes
-carry pen and paper so you can makes notes when not home
Have a watch
-wear it
-look at it, and look at it again
-use it and make sure the time is correct
Train your mind to think in terms of time
-you have so many minutes to do this or that
-only do what you have time to do
-don't start a new project when you know you will be cramped for time
Have special days
-set a time to do specific things like, cleaning closets, sheds,
basements
-make time to do special things with your wife, or husband, or children
-an example could be a games night with the kids
Get rid of clutter
-throw things out that you don't use
-use all of your garbage bags
-know when garbage day is and don't miss it
-when you buy something new, see if you can
throw out the old thing
that it is replacing
-accumulate should be a four letter word
-keep what is important in a safe place
-store those memorable items in a way where you can get to easily or
else you will never get to see them again
Front Door
-have a place near a door that you can put things that you take with
you outside
-this place may be a spot on the floor
-any place will do
-the point is that you need to trip over it on the way out
-this way you will not forget it
-it has to be in a very visible place
Clutter is debt
-most of us hate debt
-train your mind to think that clutter is like debt
Borrowing
-when you borrow something give it back
-put a time limit on borrowed items
-you will get to borrow more things when you give them back on time
-don't let other peoples things be part of your own clutter
Put things back
-yes, this is a repeat
-but it is rule number one for the organized
person
-so I'll say it again, put things back where they belong
-make sure you have a place where everything can live
Kids
-start training your kids at an early age
-give them ample warning of change of routine
-remember your kids won't have the same passion as you do in all of
this
-give them grace, and then more grace
What is important
-know what is important in your life
-don't let unimportant things side track you too much
More pens and paper
-try to keep pen and paper near the telephone
-often you'll need to make notes while on the phone
Be prepared for company
-its nice to have food prepared in case of unexpected guest arrive
-it can be simple, but it is hospitable
For men, shirts with pockets
Keep a daily routine
-if for no other reason, for your children's sake
Get regular sleep
-try to go to bed at the same time most nights
-go to bed when it is bed time, not because you're tired
Watch your spending habits
-an organized person is not an impulse spender
-he is in control of his finances
Don't take all day to do a task
-do what you need to do well
-but some people take forever and never get things done
-if you want to take forever then expect to accomplish half of what
you want to do
Buy Christmas presents during the year
-when you see good buys, buy
-don't wait until December to buy Christmas gifts
Don't wait until the last minute to do anything
-nothing is done right in a last minute rush
-last minute rushes produce more frustration than anything
Practice thinking ahead
-an organizer is always thinking ahead
-what comes next
-anticipating the future
Be prepared
-before you start a project gather the materials you need
-if you are making any kind of presentation, think about it and
prepare well
-those who prepare make less mistakes
Go through your closet every so often
-tidy up in there
-throw out old unwanted clothes
-have some sense of order in your closet
Go through all sorts of places
-tool box, kitchen cabinets, drawers, refrigerator, freezer
-evaluate what is needed and what is not
Think ahead
-I know this is a repeat, but it needs to be said again
-think hard about last minute changes when it affects others
-not doing this is a form of selfishness
-don't let your unorganized life mess up someone else's life
I think that the above list is eternal. You can most likely think of
many things yourself that you could add. Once you get thinking about it
other ideas automatically come to mind. This most likely is enough to
get you headed in the right direction anyway.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Does The Organized Person Need To Learn Some Things
Don't get the idea that an organized person is perfect and has it all
made. Some of you probably think just the opposite. You might think he
is abnormal. Whatever you think there are certain things that will help
the person who is, or wants to be organized.
He needs to learn what the word "delegate" means. He might
find it easier to do things by himself. The reason for this is that he
may feel that if he wants things to get done, then they will if he does
it. However true this may be, he should learn how to delegate to other
reliable people. This is a good way to teach your children as well.
He also needs patience since everyone is not like him. He needs to
extend grace to others. He needs to be comfortable with those who aren't
so organized. I suppose that if he doesn't want friends it's okay not to
be patient, but everyone wants friends.
The organized person should learn not to be a perfectionist. Of
course he wants things in their place but he shouldn't get bent out of
shape when things get a little out of order. Life isn't always packaged
that neatly. Though he tries his best to rid himself of all clutter, he
still lives in a world where lots of people like their clutter. So he
should accept that fact and not worry about it, and not be judgmental.
A person so organized should not push his lifestyle on others but
learn to be an example. As someone once said, "a sample is better
than a sermon." To put it an even better way. "A sample
precedes a sermon." There is a place for sermons.
The organized person needs to understand priority and unselfishness.
There are legitimate times where he has to lay aside his plans. Maybe he
feels that he just has to clean those floors. Yet at the same time he
has a child that could use some personal attention. The child really
needs to come first. The floors will get cleaned later. Don't worry,
that organizer will make sure of that.
So even after you are all organized there is still more room for
growth. Here too you could add to the list, but I will end it at this
point. You probably would like to see some more time spent on what
adjustments an organized person should make in his life, but you only
think that because you want to see him knocked down a couple of pegs.
You'd like to see him on the same rung of the ladder as yourself, right?
I will let you write a book on that subject. You could call it,
"Dispelling the Myth of the Organized Lifestyle". Or,
"It's More Fun Being Messy".
Chapter Twenty Nine
In Conclusion
You may be asking, what kind of monster have I presented you with in
this article? You may think, if this is organization, well, then it's
beyond me. Who would want to be such a
compulsive and obsessed person as our Mr. Organized. It's probably simpler and easier to be the messy slob that I am. I
guess I shouldn't equate messiness with being a slob. Messy guys can be nice people. As a matter of fact lots of messy people are nice
people. They just aren't neat people.
So at the beginning of this article you thought that you might like
to be an organized person, but now you're not so sure any more. Does the task of changing seem too overwhelming and not
really worth the time of day.
If I haven't scared you off and you still have a desire to change, you need to work on one area at a time. Maybe it is
simply washing your dishes once a day instead of once a weak. It is
like the guy who uses ninety percent of his water bill once a week,
normally on Saturday nights. He has got to give his kids their weekly
bath, so while the water is running he figures he might as well wash the
dishes and the clothes at the same time. So you hear screams from the
bathroom, because there's no hot water left. Or the warm shower water
suddenly gets ice cold because the washing machine is using all the hot
water. Life really is better when you wash dishes once a day. Believe
me, it is. So you can start there. Once you have mastered that one, step out and try another area of life.
The idea is simple. The more organized you are the smoother your life
will run. You will have less frustrations, less arguments, and a lot
less of those things you just don't need. Your life will no longer be
weighted down with unneeded clutter that makes you walk at a snail's
pace. You'll feel like a long distance marathon runner. You'll be able
to run in life uninhibited with all the things that would cause you to
lose the race. You'll feel like an eagle flying through the sky, with no
heavy load that would prohibit you from getting air bound. Now what
looks better to you. Is the effort of change worth the freedom that lies
ahead of you. Sure it is.
You can picture it all in your mind's eye in the following way. The winter is coming to an end. You are tired of the snow, the
shoveling, and all the extra clothes you need to wear. All you want is
to strip down and get into your bathing suit and dive into the pool. So
time goes by and you're able to take off your coat, your boots, your long underwear, your second pair of socks,
your wool hat, your earmuffs, your sweater, your heavy pants, and your
undershirt. One by one you shed yourself of one layer after another of
clothes that weighs you down. Then in a moment of time you are finally free. You are down to your bathing suit
and you take that long awaited for leap off the diving board into
that cool, fresh, exhilarating pool of nice warm water. What a feeling.
It took so long in coming, but the effort to get there was worth the
wait.
Clutter in a life is like wearing all those heavy winter clothes that we just can't wait to get rid of. Organization is like a
swim in the beach, a dive into the pool. The weights are gone and you
can now enjoy life. So that is the picture. If you think it's worth it
all, you'll take the step to disrobe yourself of all the clutter of life that holds you down. Clutter does hold you
down. You feel like a losing wrestler who has been pinned to the floor
approaching the count of ten. Being organized gives you freedom. It
gives you time to enjoy life. It gives you space to enjoy life in. It
gives you opportunities to enjoy life with family and friends. It gives
you a satisfaction of things accomplished. It gives you the security,
knowing things are where they should be. It gives you an opportunity to
reach out to others because you have the time and the ability. It gives
others the chance to enjoy you, since they no longer have to wade
through your clutter. So it really is worth the plunge. Step out and start
your new life. All the extra effort and energy will
pay off. I hope you make it to the organized end. I will see you there
and we will have a nice hot cup of coffee and compare notes on how we
made it.
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